I want to die.

I can't wait to just end it all. The easiest way for me to do so is through starving to death. I can't handle this life anymore.

I love a guy. So much. With all my heart.
At first, I thought he was a total creep. He gave me a letter telling me he thought I was 'Cute'. Bullshit I'm cute, we both know what we look like.
Anyways, we began talking over spring break. We kissed, and ended up doing more things the last time I hung out with him.
I asked him if he wanted a relationship.
He told me, straight out, "No." He assured that it wasn't me, it was him. He said he would be the worse boyfriend ever, and I would end up hating him.

As I am a creepy stalker (at least, I can admit this) I seem to go on his FaceBook page quite a lot.
So many girls.
Yes, he is overweight, and those girls that flirt with him are overweight, so I know he would possibly have a chance with them. And they're all pretty, despite their weight. Unlike me. I'm hideous whether I'd be thin or as I am now, but that's not the point.

Today he made a certain status that really bothered me. He asked, "How to I tell a girl I like her, although I know she doesn't like me back?"
It's obvious he wasn't talking about me. He even said to one of the comments that she did not know him that well- it couldn't be me. I know him fairly well enough, considering I took my god damn shirt off for him.

I can never be loved. Never.
I just don't think it's meant to be. I only have on true friend, and she is the only reason I am still alive at the moment.
But I'm plannign on living on until I am thin.

Ugh, look at me, I'm pathetic. I have an almost perfect life, compared to people in 3rd world countries who are suffering physically where as I'm only going through shit mentally.
I'm ridiculous. Someone needs to slap me hard and knock some sense into, because I'm seriously losing it.

I don't deserve food. The less food I eat, the more food can be used to people who need it. That is my new take and tip on this whole thing.

I'm going to read all your lovely blogs. They usually make my day better.

Love you.

xoxo
Kristy~