More pics

I've missed this site so much!!! :(

Heyy loves!
If any of you see and/or even read this. I feel like having a bit of an update, lol. :)

How have all of you been?

Been a long time since I last posted. Nothing much is really all that new. :/
I haven't fasted in a long time, but I have been controlling my calories and... exercising.. kind of.. >.>'

I ate today. First, I had a stupid Easter Basket. I chewed and spit most of my candy, but no doubt I still got most of the calories. Silly me.
Then I had a hard boiled egg, and half a tuna sandwich. :o
I'm so weak. Lol.
I not eating anything for the rest of the day, and I'm also fasting tomorrow, and hopefully for the rest of the week.

OMGsh, tomorrow! I'm so excited for it! :)
Tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm going to be hanging out with this one guy I like.. I'm not sure whether he likes me as well, but we just flirt around jokingly on the phone as well as on Facebook and other crap like that. XD
He bought some weed, and I'm going to be taking some for the first time in my life tomorrow.. with him..
Lol. I can't wait! :)

TBH, I still don't really know if all this can be true. It's a long story.
First, he gave me this one note on April 1st, saying he thought I was "cute", giving me his number and other stuff. I figured it HAD to be a joke. It just HAD to be, nobody who is sane would ever think I was cute. I'm hideous- or at least, I think I am. Ehh.. who knows. Who cares, I'm hideous until I'm thin. :P
But anyways, I was pissed off at the time, so I just threw his letter away.. I wanted to reply to him though, but I wasn't able to... his friends scare me... so.
Instead, I added him on Facebook the say we got out of school (Thursday was our last day) and we've been texting each other since.
I'm really excited.

This is possibly the first time in a few years that I've felt genuinely happy and comfortable with myself. I always feel that I'm just a part of other people's lives, like a side character of their story. But now, I'm starting to feel that I'm becoming my own main character, and special things may start happening for me as well. :3
(So corny, stick with me. x])
...never-mind, this sounds stupid.. o_O'
Blah.

I'm so weird. XD
All I've been doing for the past couple of days was sleep, go online, sleep, work out, pig out like a fat ass, and sleep. 8D
Well, I've been going on my parent's laptop. My own computer broke a few weeks ago, and I'm getting a new one on a month or so. :)

Yeahhh... Spring Break came out late this yet, but it's all good. :))
We only have a few months left after this week is over with. :P

Sooo, enough talking about my boring life. :D

I'm planning on putting up way more thinspo pics, tips, and other things. I just need to find out how to use BlogSpot again, lol. :o

I really missed you all, and I hope you all are doing well and staying strong. ;o

Happy belated Easter!!! Hope you all had fun. :)

xoxo~
Kristy

Update and thinspo pics

Just posting quickly to say I'm alive and still staying on track. Haven't given up yet, and nothing can stop meh nao. >:D

Still don't know how much I weigh. I want it to be a surprise when I go to the doctor's next week. :)

Hoping it's good. <3

Hope you're doing well, whoever reads this. (if anyone does, pssh)

xoxo

^ Beckii Cruel (Rebecca Flint), my thinspo. <3

I hate everything about myself...

-I hate the fact that I have one of the largest noses.
-Scratch that, I hate the fact that I have one of the largest BODIES.
-I hate how the guy I adore, love, and would do absolutely anything for doesn't notice me, and he would be easily attainable if I were thinner/prettier.
-I hate that my hair is thinning out.
-I hate how I'm anti-social.
-I hate how I can never trust people in my life, and then I eventually lose them.
-I hate that I can't keep friends.
-I hate that I'm constantly looking over my shoulders worrying about whether somebody is talking about me behind my back or not.
-I hate how I'm an awkward person to be around...
-I hate my clothing style. I hate my eyes. I hate the color of my hair.
-I hate how I allowed a boy to do things to me and manipulate when I was only 9 years old, and I how it's keeping me from living life and trusting others.
-I hate how my parents assume my medication will magically fix everything that is wrong with me.
-I hate my past. Every little detail about it.
-I hate that my dad was once an alcoholic, had quit, and people continue to bug him about it.
-I hate how my family and old friends now ignore me because they assume I don't care about them, when in reality, I care too much about them. Which is why I never talk to them in hopes that I won't lose them...
-I hate how everyone talks to me as though I'm a child.
-I hate that I can never speak clearly.
-I hate that I can't find nice clothing.
-I hate that I cannot have thin legs, arms, and a flat stomach.
-I hate that I blow things off until the last minute, or until it's too late.
-I hate that I cannot make it through a fast for any longer then 4 days.
-I hate that I've lost my motivation for Ana.
-I hate that I may never be thin if I don't keep this up.
-I hate that I haven't lost anything in the matter of 2 months.
-I hate how I assume everyone dislikes me; and when I assume otherwise, they actually do dislike like.
-I hate my writing style. It's choppy, childish, and plain.
-I hate the fact that I cannot find anymore hope.

I hate hating myself.

I'm tired of it. I don't want to hate myself anymore.
It's time I start taking all this seriously. From the start, I've been blowing everything off, thinking, "Oh, I'll start my diet tomorrow." or, "I'll re-do it tomorrow".
No... I have to stop this. I have to force myself to stop this.

I don't care if real anorexics are offended by this, but I have to say, I want to be as thin, beautiful, and perfect as possible, even if I have to die for it. Dieing at the moment won't be too bad. We all die some day anyway.
I want to be thin.
I want to be perfect.
I want a boyfriend.
I want my family and friends to love me again.
I want to trust others, and most importantly, trust myself.

I done fooling around. Now, everything I say and do will be serious. Every time I see food, I'll think about how much I despise myself. I truly just want to be loved.
This is my motivation.
To forget my past and everything that happened to me, and just learn to love myself and be loved by others. Even then I'm not sure if anyone would care for me....
------------
I hope you all are doing well, if you read this. <3
Stay strong, and keep your motivation up. We can do this, and NOBODY can tell us we can or cannot do whatever we want. Prove them all wrong.

xxxx

I enjoyed my lovely 2 week vacation.. but now, life begins again. Boo.

'Ello, lovely people. I'm deciding to update after a while... I forgot my password.

KJLKDSFJ.

Talk about epic fail. I literally tried about 10 different emails and passwords trying to figure out what my blog account was. I fail so hard at life. 

I think I've done pretty good this week. I didn't have too much intake, and Thursday and Friday I had nothing at all. Including water.

My reason for this is because I have found a brand new obsession of mine- the reason why I have no life to begin with.

I've been obsessed with The Hunger Games books. OMFAWKINGAWD I LOVE THEM! 

Just the epicness of it all. And Peeta- oh dear God, Peeta! When I'm thin, I'm SO finding a real Peeta of my own. I swear, he is the most adorable book character EVAR.

And Katniss isn't a Mary-Sue! The anti-Bella Swan!

So yes, my obsession with a book series is my reason for not eating. AND I LOVE IT. >:D

I swear, they're the 2nd greatest book series EVA. 8D

(Right underneath Harry Potter of course.. hm.. wait, LotR is above HP.. and then Stephen King and Anne Rice books pwn both.

....)
Speaking of Harry Potter, I have yet to see the new film. Which I guess won't be too much of a loss as I've hear many of my friends complain about it. Apparently.. it was "boring". LIES.
I'll  be seeing the 2nd part in theatres, definitely. I'm not going to let my childhood slip from me so easily. NAH! Dx

But anywho, I'm pissed my vacation is over.

Really.... I'm missing doing nothing at all for two weeks already. Pisses me off. Nya. D:

sl;dk;l. -_-

I have drivers ed tomorrow! :)

Yeah, I know I'm a little late. Appearently, getting my temps would be too expensive at 15/16, so I've been delayed until 17.

WTF. :/

Oh well. I have something to look forward to after my long, hard, painful day at school tomorrow... *sigh*

Hope you all have a great year kiddos. 8D

I missed the last three days of school, and I'm loving it! :D

First: I love you all so so much! Thank you for commenting on my recent post, they all really help me. I'll try to get to everyone's blog today. I haven't been able to for a reason I am about to explain. O_O


So, for the past four days I've been sick... I went to see  doctor on Sunday, and I weighed 226. Gained a pound from all my binging. Blah.
But anyways, apparently there's this bad cold going around, and I caught it. It lasts for 4 weeks and the medication doesn't even work right away, so right now I'm still laying here with a headache and sore throat typing on my laptop. I haven't been online much in 4 days. I've been sleeping this entire time. XD
(Lazy ass...)

I haven't eaten much..
My intake yesterday was a small bowl of tuna (which I didn't even eat all of it because my cat was literally begging for some, and her big ass eyes looked so pathetic.. thank you, kitty, for saving my fat ass from eating the entire fucking can.), a cup of hot chocolate, and then later a small bowl of stuffing... so much for my fast, but I was delusional and not really thinking about what I was doing when eating. :/

So, today I'm planning on fasting. I'm not really hungry at all, and my throat hurts too much to swallow anything, even water.

Tomorrow I'm going to be sticking to a two week plan for Christmas break. This is what my idea sort of is, and I heard that it is supposed to trick your metabolism as well by switching up the amount of calories each day.. we shall see:
Day 1 (today)- Fast
Day 2- Stay under 100 calories
3- 200 calories
4- Because it's Christmas Eve, I'm going to try to restrict as much as possible, but remain under 500 cals. If anything, I should eat less because my family opens gifts on Christmas Eve, so that should be distracting enough. But God knows how bad I am at controlling myself.
5- 600 calories (probably going to stay under. Damn Christmas..)
6- Fast
7- Getting my Wisdom Teeth removed!! :D
SO FAST! ^^

10- Fast
11- Fast
12- 90 calories
13-100 calories
14- 400 calories
15- 200 calories
16- Fast
--------------------

So, I can only hope that I'll stick to my plans. *crosses fingers*

On a random side-note:
I have officially found my personal miracle food: Boiled Egg whites.
Only 17 calories per an entire egg white, and they're extremely filling too.


ILY ALL SO SOSOSOSOOOO MUCH, EVEN IF I'M NOT LOVED BACK, IDC, I HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE RIGHT NOW IN MY DELUSIONAL STATE. 8D
(I'm such a creeper, nya... >.>')

Stay strong!!! xox

P.S.: Ignore Fat Bastard.. he's only a troll. :/

Couple of bad weeks.

But I have so much encouragement from my family; they don't know about me and ana, but they know I've lost 11 lbs. (I probably gained it all back though- I don't know, I don't feel like going on the scale... ugh.)
They all know, and all are telling me "Wow.. you're looking better..." (not good, but better, since they know I'm a whale. )
Honestly, I'm glad I failed. now I have the encouragement and will to start over again, and I will keep trying until I succeed. Binging will not take over my life anymore...

I'm going to do a fast until Christmas tomorrow... that's only about 2 weeks, I think I'll be able to make it. Then again, I said that last time. Hmph. We'll wait and see. :/

If I don't make the fast, I'll break it with a glass of Ovaltine choco milk, broth, jello, or some sort of liquid.

I'm going to be getting my wisdom teeth out on the week of Christmas vacation! This is a wonderful thing! :D
I won't be able to eat any solid food for about two-three days! This will be a perfect time to fast, even after Christimas!
..if I look at it that way.... it doesn't sound to bad, LOL.

I mean, I even stole about 6 cigarettes from my parents. They've been sitting in my dresser for a week, because I've been waiting to fast before using them. T_T'

I'm such a failure...

I'm planning on getting a few books from Barnes and Noble tomorrow... I haven't read a whole book for entertainment in a few years. O_O

No wonder my grammar is off. XD

That should distract me from eating for a while. 

And even though I'm not a big Twilight fan (I'm kind of anti-Twilight... D: )

but I've been watching it just because K-Stewart is so gawgussss. <3333

And I want to rent Eclipse tomorrow... my mom and sister like the movies, so I'll have an excuse to watch them without them calling me a closet Twi-hard.. >.> 

No. -_-

(And Taylor is love...& Robert looks like a pedo.. LOLOLOL. o_O)

I miss you all. :(

I'm going to try to catch up on how everyone is doing. (aka, stalk you... )

Stay Strong... unlike me... x/